Secrets to Promoting Positive Self-Esteem in Our Children

Self-esteem can be very fragile. And parenting is not for the weak. When our children fail, it is easy to take it personally and blame ourselves as caring parents. The same principles apply to parents building confidence as to children who are developing confidence in themselves.

Building better self-esteem and confidence doesn't happen overnight; it takes purposeful practice. However, the end results are well worth the time and effort. More substantial confidence benefits us parents and our children alike in every aspect of life.

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Unleashing these strategies will support you and your children in developing greater confidence and self-esteem.

1. Grow from mistakes and failure. We need to be okay with failing. I know that doesn’t seem like too much fun or a popular idea, but the fact is failing is part of the learning process. Learning from failing gives our children the opportunity to reflect and improve their decision-making skills, think through the results of their choices. It gets them comfortable accepting feedback about their mistakes without having a total meltdown or taking it as a personal failure.

• As parents of multiple children, we notice each child has their own unique personality. Therefore we learn something new with each child. The process is the same - we learn and grow from mistakes and failures. Hopefully, we give ourselves the same grace and forgiveness that we give our children.

2. Recognize mistakes and failures as tools for success. Learning to trust our instincts, skills, and abilities allows us to build confidence. Confidence is acquired over time through both failure and success. Although sometimes failure can feel uncomfortable or intimating, confidence requires taking risks and dealing with consequences.

• The more capable our children become of making the right choices, the more confident they become, which builds their self-esteem.

• If we consistently use slipups as a tool for success, when our kids do fail or miscalculate, they learn that the thinking or method was flawed, not them as a person. This concept equally relates to us as parents.

3. Never stop learning. Parents are their children’s first teachers. Our job is to prepare our children to excel successfully as young adults. It starts day one and NEVER ends, no matter how grown they are. Although moms are typically right 99% of the time, we will not always get it right, so we must continue to learn. I am proud to be a lifelong learner, and I pride myself on being coachable. In fact, I have learned a lot from my children.

• Like our children, we learn through our experiences and grow as we know. Since we are human, even though we have a few superpowers up our sleeves, the chances are that sometimes we will feel inadequate and make mistakes. The key is learning from mistakes.

• Own it. We must be transparent about our mistakes. We should apologize and speak to our children about the lessons learned. Our children will benefit as much from our honest discussions and our ACTIONS.

4. Think positive thoughts about yourself. What we think, we manifest. If low self-esteem is an issue with you, it’s incredibly imperative that you seek help. Rather that’s a few self-help books or even seeing a therapist, your mental health and mindset are essential to your children's well-being. Our behavior and how we treat ourselves are what our children absorb.

• If we stand in front of the mirror making negative comments about our body, criticize ourselves when we make a mistake, or judge others when they don’t meet our standards, our child will do the same.

5. Learn to let it go. Like Keisha Cole sung, “Let It Go.” After you have discussed lessons learned, LET IT GO—no need to bring it up over and over again. Move on and accept it as information that can be used to gauge choices in the future.

• If we harp on it or label ourselves, more than likely, our children will mimic our behavior. “I made a mistake” can become “I am a mistake” if internalized. Get help if you need it. Perfectionism manifest in further challenges that neither of you needs.

Making these techniques, a daily habit with my children has proven to be effective. Just like learning any other skill, the more you practice, the easier these behaviors become. Once they become a habit, you and your children are well on the road to having an automatic process that encourages greater self-esteem and confidence each day.